It’s time we had a little talk, you and I. Sit down . . . sit. Good human.
We’ve been friends for a long time, right? Best friends, as the phrase goes, but I’ve got something I need to get off my paws. Don’t get me wrong – you’re a great human, what with the food, treats, walkies, and tummy rubs. I couldn’t ask for a better pet.
That was until you brought Evil into my home – a strange creature that stalks the shadows and watches my every move with sinister, glowing eyes. Yes, I’m talking about Mr. Meowbert. Dress him in sweaters and funny hats all you like, you cannot hide the darkness that lives within Mr. Meowbert’s heart.
Terrible as his mere existence is, this “Cat” creature is making this home entirely uninhabitable! There’s this weird box of sand in the kitchen, Mr. Meowbert keeps stealing my bed, all my bird friends have disappeared, and the sofa is covered in cat hair! We all know full well that the sofa should be covered exclusively in my hair.
If you’re not going to stop Mr. Meowbert, I will. I’ve already found some loving homes for Mr. Meowbert where he can . . . no? He’s staying? Like, permanently? Okay, fine. On to Plan B then. Here’s an article about removing pet hair from furniture – it’s something I found while searching for a carpet cleaner that could clean up my accident in the Dining Room. These upholstery cleaning tips should get rid of all that cat hair. Well, okay cat and dog hair, but try to leave mine behind if possible. After all, what’s a home without dog hair?
Anyways, read that and get to work. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a squirrel outside that requires my attention.